Who’s Running your Life?

Do you have any “should do’s” interrupting your days? “Shoulds” are typically things around health, e.g. have a healthier diet, or exercise more. They may involve organizing, such as “I should put away the laundry, clean out the refrigerator, get rid of all those emails in my inbox.”

One psychology model suggests we have three ego states: parent, adult, and child. The parent state, associated with the likes of teachers and bosses as well as parents is responsible for the “shoulds”. The parent state diminishes your authority and often is the source of procrastination. In fact, a resistant childlike response may take over.

This is most likely if your internal parent voice is critical.

Your child state, on the other hand, can often accomplish things by making them fun or interesting. Finally, your adult state does what needs doing because it makes sense.

The inner adult is likely to have the most developed critical thinking skills. For example, your inner adult would like to improve your diet for specific reasons. For those reasons, you can identify the appropriate healthier diet for you, as well as a realistically put it into place. In time, your inner adult would evaluate how the plan is working and make any needed changes.

Working on the theory that everything is there for a reason, the inner parent does have value. The parent state represents the rules that we’ve adopted as guides. Sometimes those rules can be critical, but it is also where our morals and confidence stem from.

– Sydney Metrick