Does this ever happen to you? You compare your work, or your looks, or your accomplishments to someone else’s and feel they are in a “better” place than you are?
There are two problems inherent in this kind of thinking. One is that since you are unique you have your own path to travel. Where your path has many curves, whoever you compare yourself to may be in a straight segment of theirs. Someday the opposite may be true.
The other related problem is having expectations. These typically have the word “should” involved. For example, thinking you should be able to maintain a schedule, or you should be able to estimate how long a task will take, or you should have remembered a task or appointment you’d committed to.
I’m not a fan of should. When you think shouldn’t have done something you criticize yourself. When you think you should, but aren’t likely to, you’re putting pressure on yourself. It’s a guilt word. In the first case, if you didn’t do something you’d planned to do, look at why and what the solution might be. In the second case, either A) do what you intend, or B) realize you aren’t going to do it and that’s okay for the time being.
Expectations lead to disappointment. If, by chance, you have ADHD you are likely to have problems with executive functions such as sustaining attention, planning, organizing, remembering details, managing time, or staying on task.
It might take you longer to start and longer to finish a task or project. You might get distracted by things outside or by your own thoughts. As a result, you might often feel overwhelmed which can lead to anxiety or depression.
So, if you do have an attention difference, take the time to find your own style and get comfortable with it. You will be more productive in the long run. Expecting that you’ll be like anyone else, well…
Finding your own style is important. Imagine how much easier life would be if you know how to manage your schedule, estimate the time a task will take, and remember your appointments. Helping people do this is what puts the heart into coaching.
-Sydney Metrick