Music and the Brain
“Nothing activates the brain so extensively as music,” said the late Oliver Sacks, M.D., neurologist, and author of Musicophilia. Music not only provides structure, it increases the level of dopamine in the brain. This is especially important for those with conditions like ADHD and Autism.
My friend, Ellen Hoffman, is an extraordinary woman. She’s a self-employed musician - pianist, composer, arranger, teacher, music director and producer who happens to also have attention deficit disorder. I talked with her about the amazing ways music can affect the brain and she shared the following story about a young autistic man, Ryan, she worked with at Napa State Hospital.
Like many autistic children, this boy was drawn to music. He loved listening to music - the radio, the record player, and especially to the piano. He had a sweet singing voice which had not changed yet. His favorite song to sing was Your Cheatin' Heart. He knew all the words – even though he had no idea what they meant. He knew fragments of other songs, but this was the only song he knew all the way through. When he was in a good mood, he would sing the whole song, much like those of us who are not autistic might do.
Other than singing, he was generally non-verbal, rarely speaking more than a short sentence at a time. However, he was much more communicative thru music. If I asked him a question "Ryan, do you want a cookie?" and he was in a good mood, he would SING the answer, "Yes, I want a cookie" - in a melody all his own. Or "Ryan, how are you feeling right now?" His melodic answer might be, "Ryan is OK right now."
I learned that if I sang to him, he was more likely to answer. If I played the piano AND sang, he was MUCH more likely to answer. The more I provided music for him, the more he related to me, and the less combative he was. Music calmed him down, made him almost happy, and improved his ability to relate to those around him, even for just a short time.
While ADHD is not nearly as extreme as Autism, music can still be vital to how someone with ADHD functions. I have one client who regularly listens to music while working. Her explanation: the music filters out the world so that she only has to filter out the music.
How music helps people with ADHD was perfectly summed up in an article I read recently called How Music Unlocked My Son’s ADHD Brain in ADDitude:
Music builds and strengthens the auditory, visual/spatial, and motor cortices of the brain. These areas are tied to speech and language, reading, reading comprehension, math, problem solving, brain organization, focusing, concentration, and attention issues.
-Sydney Metrick
Why is Change so Difficult?
Do you remember Newton’s 1st Law of Motion? It says, an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion at the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. This is also known as the law of inertia.
Inertia. Something we all feel from time to time when we have a big project or task that feels difficult or boring. If you’re thinking inertia could be the sister of procrastination, you’d be right.
Inertia is also what makes life changes so difficult. You have a momentum going, maybe even for years, of being a certain way.
You do or do not do the things you’ve always done or not done. Maybe you really want to make a change, even a small change but it takes attention and practice. You need that unbalanced force Newton was so fond of.
For some, an outside force works best. Find someone willing to hold you accountable. Give them permission to check in with you regularly. An example conversation could be, “So, how’d it go with the task you intended to accomplish this week?” Then either, “Great, what helped you be successful with that?” or “Great, can you identify what got in the way? Can you avoid what got in your way last week, and be more successful this week?”
There’s an article in Entrepreneur Magazine entitled, 4 Cures for Chronic Procrastination, that nicely breaks down the process of getting through procrastination. In short:
- Narrow your focus
Just like eating an elephant, take it one bite at a time.
- Reward yourself for meeting your goals
Don’t push for perfection, if you’re doing it right more often than not, that’s a success!
- Hold yourself publicly accountable
There is nothing like knowing people are watching to keep you on task.
- Don’t lose momentum
Once you get started, keep moving!
- Sydney Metrick
Nudges
Are you familiar with “nudge theory?” In a recent newsletter from a colleague, nudge theory is described as “a way of encouraging people to do what’s in their best interest, even when other perfectly human tendencies—such as the urge to procrastinate—are conspiring against them.”
That newsletter nudged me into to writing this and sharing some of the hacks people with ADHD or other non-linear thinkers can use as nudges.
One of the best nudges is a timer. If you have a tendency to get lost in a task, setting a timer for how much time you realistically have to spend on it helps you be aware that “time is up.”
Having a staging area by the door is a way to nudge yourself to actually take with you the things you’ll need when you're out. We have a key rack a few feet from the door. It makes it easy to hang the keys upon arriving and know where they are when we’re ready to leave.
I put a sticker on the first Monday of every month of my wall calendar. It reminds me to give our dog a flea treatment.
And then there’s Nudgemail, an easy to use reminder service that sends email prompts. This is an all-around life saver especially if you’re a busy person.
An accountability partner can be a great nudge. You each share something you want to accomplish or goal you want to attain, and you get to regularly ask each other how it’s going. (Sometimes receiving nudges is easier when you’re also giving them.)
I’m also a fan of the positive reminder. The brain is much more accepting of positive language than negative – so the next time you’re writing yourself to “Don’t forget …” try “Remember the …” instead.
A “Kick in the Butt”
On a scale of 0 to 100, what percentage of what you say you want to “do,” “have,” or “be” actually comes to fruition? There is a big difference between saying what you want for yourself and taking the steps to make that your reality.
“The secret of success without hard work is … still a secret,” says Ivan Misner, founder of the world’s largest business networking organization, BNI.
As far as I know, fairy godmothers, genies, and elves exist only in fairy tales, so your successes are only to come about with commitment and efforts. That commitment and those efforts are stronger when you can clearly define your intentions and goals. Writing can help you crystallize your thinking:
- First, write down a specific goal you wish to achieve. Let’s say you want to be able to hold a simple conversation in Spanish by the end of the year.
- Second, what steps will you take to reach that goal? So, spend 30 minutes a day studying Spanish.
- Third, add what’s in it for you to achieve that goal. You won’t (overly) embarrass yourself when you are in Spain for business next year.
- Finally, what would your life be like and how would you feel if you “flaked.” Like an idiot in front of your colleagues.
This is a good start, but to increase your likelihood of success, share goals and intentions with others. Let people around you know what you’ll be doing. The best person to tell is one that will hold you accountable. This is what a coach does. A coach helps you clearly define what you want, break the goal into manageable action steps, encourages you to calendar the steps and then, regularly checks in with you to see how it went and make any adjustments to the process.
As a coach, I always ask clients to design how they like me to interact with them. Much of the time the answer is, “give me a kick in the butt.” That is so much easier when I know what I’m kicking you towards.
-Sydney Metrick
How Does Your Wheel Roll?
Life balance. What does that even mean? Can you have a balanced life? If so, how?
First, how’s your life at the moment? There are several assessments to see if you are in or out of balance. Many coaches use a tool called the “Wheel of Life” for this.
Most of us express our thoughts, time, and energy in eight to ten different areas. The “Wheel of Life” gives you a way to rate your life in each of these areas. Personally, I use the following categories with my clients:
- Friends
- Personal Growth
- Family
- Community
- Health
- Career
- Home
- Finances
- Significant Other
- Creative Expression
Feel free to substitute school for career, or whatever other changes will accurately reflect the key components of your life. Once you have your categories, assess your current level of satisfaction in each area on a scale of 1-10. Your consideration is based on what that category means to you. For example, in the Significant Other category: you have a significant other and it’s a good relationship, so you give yourself a 9; or, you don’t have a partner and don’t want one, that can also be a 9. But if you’re not happy with your relationship, perhaps you give yourself a 3 or 4.
Once you have all your numbers you can see if you’re balanced, such as all numbers fall between 7 and 9, or all between 4 and 7. Both ranges show balance, but only that first range shows satisfaction. Any area that indicates a satisfaction level of five or less would benefit from attention to bring it up. This means setting goals, creating plans to achieve them, scheduling and fulfilling action steps.
Do not expect to maintain balance once you reach it. Life has a way of changing and you can get out of balance without noticing. Personally, I re-do my wheel at the turn of every season.
-Sydney Metrick
Re-Evaluating
This past Fall we said goodbye to California and moved to Mexico. Oh, and got married, too. For a person like myself with ADHD, the amount of details was overwhelming. Ordinarily, I would have said there is no way I could manage all the research involved with selling most of our possessions and our house, getting visas, planning a drive, and all the other details.
Yet, I did it.
We had decided to make this move a while ago, and now was the time. I gave up what I thought I was capable of and did what I needed to make the decision a reality.
Mexico is wonderful. But it is very different from California. Plus, we had to discover places to shop, eat, get things fixed. We needed to find doctors, dentists, lawyers, and friends. Think all that was challenging? Really, not so much. I know I am more capable than I thought I was. I can do without some of the things I thought were necessary (like Trader Joe’s), and I can learn just about any new thing with time and practice.
Perhaps you are holding some limiting stories about your capabilities and options based on your past or other people’s opinions.
The new year is a good time to re-evaluate your life. What from 2017 do you want to let go of? What will you develop further?
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
- Anaïs Nin
- Sydney Metrick
Check Please
You know that phrase, “It seemed like a good idea at the time”?
In the western film, "The Magnificent Seven," Steve McQueen, in the role of Vin, gives an example worth watching.
The thing is, what seems like a good idea at the time or in the moment, may have consequences that, in retrospect, lead more to “What was I thinking?”
We’re all plagued by impulsivity from time to time; but for those with ADHD, impulsivity may be an ongoing challenge. Fortunately, there is a process that can broaden the sense of time so that actions taken in the present are seen to have repercussions in the future. Think of it as a future check.
First, you have to be aware that you are making a decision about something. This can actually be the hardest part. Instead of just going along with the moment, stop and acknowledge that you are actually making a decision to do/not do something.
Call this your decision point. It’s like standing at a fork in the road and determining the way to go. Be there two or multiple options, you are now at step two in the process.
Second, use “if/then” thinking to consider your choices. Examples would be, “If I hang out on the internet instead of writing my newsletter, what would that mean to me and my business tomorrow or next week?” Or, “Those lemon bars are my favorite dessert. If I eat four of them (which would be so delicious and my mouth is watering) how will I feel later today and will my pants fit tomorrow?” Or, “How about I buy myself one too? Will I be able to pay my mortgage at the end of the month?”
Those of us who are not linear thinkers tend to make “in the moment” decisions based on what feels good right then. However, this month, with all the opportunities for buying and eating more than we need or can afford, it’s an excellent time to develop the habit of stopping at a decision point and considering consequences.
-Sydney Metrick
4 Words That Keep You Small
Do any of these phrases sound familiar?
“I can’t find time to…”
“I really should get to bed earlier/exercise more/eat better.”
“I’ll try.”
“I never get anywhere on time.”
Those four words: “can’t,” “should,” “try,” and “never” may be keeping you from the successes you want. Each of these words creates a mental limitation.
- You can but you don’t or won’t, so you feel bad about yourself.
- You should… but you’re not, so you feel bad about yourself.
- You’ll try, but either you haven’t made a commitment or you lack some confidence, and maybe you end up feeling bad about yourself if you don’t manage to fulfill your intention.
- You never…, so why believe change is possible. Yes, you probably end up feeling bad about yourself.
All of these words make you feel bad about yourself, so stop using them and start being honest with yourself and others.
It is OK to say that you are not interested in doing something, or that you need help to accomplish something. There are very few things a person cannot do if they have the interest, tools, and support.- “Should” is a matter of other people’s opinion. If those things are in alignment with your perspective, you’ll do them. If not, then they are not of your concern.
- When you try, you open the door in your brain to fail. Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that won't work." You don’t need to try, you just need to find the way that works for you.
- Just because you never have does not mean that you never will. You could accidentally show up on time – you’ve just debunked your never. The phrase “never say never” is valuable because you really do not know what’s to come.
It is easy to fall into limiting language – it’s all around us. When you catch yourself, stop. Even if you’re in the middle of a sentence. Even if you are only talking or thinking to yourself. Stop, rephrase, move forward.
-Sydney Metrick
“Now where did I put my…?”
Does this ever happen to you? You’re carrying a few bags of groceries from the car to the house. In a hurry to go out again later that day, you’re distressed to discover your keys are nowhere to be found.
There are only so many things you can fully attend to at a time. When you’re engaged in a conversation, or have ten things on your mind something as “trivial” as where you set something down may not shoot right past your short term memory.
My uncle Leon would have his glasses pushed up on top of his head. Look all over the house for them and offer me a quarter if I could find them for him. That was the easiest quarter I ever made. Like Leon, everyone misplaces things from time to time-you put your keys in your pocket because you’re carrying a few bags, hang up your jacket and later wonder where your keys are, or put your phone down to get some information in another room then return and don’t remember where you set the phone.
Two solutions. Places where you always (okay almost always) put certain items, like keys, phone, wallet, shoes. It’s kind of like having the address for them. Once you develop the habit, chances are lots higher that you’ll find your items where they belong.
But sometimes you won’t put things where they belong, right? Even if you’re in a rush, stop. Sit down. Close your eyes and breathe. Think about what you were doing when you last had the item. Recreate your steps. Do this as calmly as possible.
How do you decide where something “belongs” anyway? Have you ever put something important in a safe place and then forgotten just where that place is? Again, having a special safe place that you use all the time can make a huge difference. Trust me. I still haven’t found two hundred dollar bills I put safely away last fall.
Moving is Overwhelming
How long does it take to accumulate more stuff than you need? I’m a person who detests clutter not only for aesthetic reasons, but because I think better when things are neat and organized. Yet, it appears I have waaaay more stuff than I need or would ever use.
Stuff seems to fall into six categories:
- The things I use regularly and actually need
- Items I acquired because they were interesting and I might enjoy them
- The “someday” items that are clothed with good intentions
- Gifts
- Memorabilia
- Mystery items
Because I’m moving, drastic downsizing is mandatory. Going through two decades of books, clothes, art, and extensive miscellaneous stuff, I’ve learned two really important things. The first thing is that only the stuff in category #1 is worth packing and taking, like insurance papers, my computer, clothing, and shoes. The second insight came about from looking through everything in categories #2-#6. That is, looking through them is enough. It’s kind of like a review and letting go. It was nice to take those little trips down memory lane, but bottom line, living in the past is not for me. Would I truly miss a wooden cigar box, or a meditation candle I received one holiday? Did I really care about the glass that acknowledged Peter and Jennifer’s wedding? And what exactly are the little brushes for anyway that were in the box with printer ink?
So, in addition to scheduling time to go through everything, I also had to pack and label the things I’m keeping, and arrange for everything else to be sold, donated, given away, or shredded. It was a lot. But I thought how moving is such a great motivator. Going through all those things was fun, interesting, informative, and useful.
Wondering how this might work for you if you’re not moving? Consider the “gift of the month” exercise. Pick a drawer, shelf, box or whatever, that you haven’t gone through for quite a while (or ever). Set aside an hour or so one day that you’ll devote to emptying and looking at everything in that space. Put back only what really makes sense and discard the rest. What’s the gift? Well, it may be that you find something you’d been looking for or had forgotten. Or you have the gift of a newly decluttered and organized space.
Wouldn’t it be Nice if…
Let’s play a game. It’s called “Wouldn’t it be nice if…”
Here’s how to play-- think of something specific you want to do, have, or be. Add that to the framework. For example, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I got eight hours of sleep,” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if it was easy for me to prioritize.”
Sure, there are some things that would be nice … winning the lottery, finding the fountain of youth, having a chauffeur. But those may be just a bit beyond your reach. However, sufficient sleep or being able to prioritize are totally doable. That is if you really want them and are ready to make it happen.
John Asseraf said, “If you’re interested you’ll do what’s convenient; if you’re committed, you’ll do whatever it takes.”
Sometimes it’s easier to know what you don’t want than what you do want. So get clear about what you really want. Can you imagine being the person who does what it takes to have what you say you want?
- Do you believe you can have it, that you deserve to have it?
- Do you really want it or just think it would be nice?
- Finally, are you ready to do whatever it takes?
Let’s look at your answers:
- If the answer to #1 is “not sure” or “no” you might want to start smaller and work your way up to your bigger, ultimate goal.
- How about #2? Do you think you “should” want to do, have, or be whatever you have in mind? For example, you have friends with new cars and you have an old Toyota that you actually love, but wonder what kind of statement it makes about you. I am anti-should, so don’t let others tell you what you feel. On the other hand, it never hurts to get an outsider’s opinion on how your image is impacting your reputation.
- Number #3 is easy. If you’re ready, it’s good to have support. Here’s where I can help. As a coach, I help you clarify your goals, create realistic action plans, schedule the steps, work through obstacles, and get results.
Thoughts Impact Our Feelings and Actions – Steps to help shift overwhelm
Guest Blog
- Bowbang Feng, LMFT
“I always mess it up! I never get it right!”
“I’m making progress. It’s easier when I break it down it to smaller steps.”
When you read those two sentences how do you feel? Thoughts like these may be helpful at times and lead to positive feelings and effective coping; or, strong negative thoughts can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, or overwhelm.
Many non-linear thinkers develop patterns of negative thinking and have a strong internalized critical voice. Negative thoughts are typically based on irrational beliefs or cognitive distortions. These beliefs are often things we may have been told by others or by society. See if any of these sound familiar. Most of us do these sometimes.
Examples include:
- all-or-nothing thinking, which gives rise to perfectionism
- The belief that it has to be perfect or it has no value, and you failed. This can lead to procrastination, worry, and frustration.
- selective attention to negative events or outcomes (and overlooking positive outcomes)
- It’s hard to hold on to the positives when it feels like the negatives are so huge and overwhelming. We overlook the positives as if they weren’t true.
catastrophizing, believing that it would be a catastrophe if something does or does not occur
- Imagining all the horrible things that might or might not happen and projecting them into the future. This can lead to being in a state of flight, fight or freeze – perceiving a constant threat.
- personalization, seeing oneself as the cause of some negative external event for which one is not, in fact, primarily responsible. This often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety.
- My partner is upset…it must be my fault.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy offers a simple technique that can be very helpful – a Thought Record. This is a way of slowing down and mindfully looking at a situation. Writing down the facts along with our automatic thoughts and feelings gives a reality check that allows us to come up with a more balanced thought or belief. Give it a try.
Here are the steps:
- What is the situation? Just the facts. Who, What, When, Where, etc.
- Mood: How do you feel? How intense is that feeling from 1-100?
- Automatic Thoughts: What beliefs come up? What am I afraid of? What does this mean about me or the world? What images or memories does it evoke? What are the possible irrational beliefs?
- What is the evidence that supports this idea?
- What is the evidence against this idea?
- Is there an alternative view point that is able to take a balanced perspective of all the evidence? Come from a place of self-compassion and a non-judgmental perspective.
- You can also explore what is the effect of my believing the automatic thought or belief?
- What could be the effect of changing my thinking or how might I feel different?
- Check back in on your mood. How intense is it now on a scale of 1-100? Often times we feel better when we shift our thoughts and perspective.
The more you do this, the easier it gets. It can be a simple and powerful tool to shift our thoughts, moods, and behaviors as well as to gain more understanding about what it is that is really upsetting us. Once we understand the real problem, we can deal with it.
Bowbay Feng, LMFT
510-629-0239
bowbayfeng@gmail.com
www.bowbayfeng.com
The Magic of “What if…”
Are you satisfied with the results of your actions (or lack of actions)?
Consider this cycle:
- You hold certain beliefs, such as “I’m not a person who…” or “I can’t use a calendar.”
- When you think about doing one of those things, you feel apathy or even defiance.
- The unpleasant or negative feelings lead to avoiding actions that would have furthered you towards a goal.
- You don’t like the results you do get and possibly feel a bit of self-recrimination.
The results become evidence and the cycle continues.
Beliefs lead to thoughts which bring about feelings that influence behaviors and consequently results.
When you repeatedly get results that do not support your goals or your happiness it’s time to stop and consider what could be in the way. What if you interrupt the “I’ll do that later…” or “It’s too hard…” or any other sad excuse? What if you notice when you have a thought that is likely to interfere with an intended action? What if you reflect on how you’ll feel later if you avoid following through with your intention? What if you disregard the excuses and take the intended action anyway?
What if you give yourself the chance to do more of what you say you want for yourself and be more of who you say you want to be?
If you want different results, then you need different actions. Different actions require different feelings, and different feelings need different beliefs. So, when you hear yourself thinking “I’m not …” STOP.
You are, you can, and you will.
Routine or Ritual?
Habits and routines created with intention can make life easier in so many ways. I don’t mean the unconscious habits of going for a snack when you’re bored or throwing clothes on the chair rather than hanging them up. Those are the habits that most people say they’d like to change.
What I’m talking about are the productive behaviors you want to change the problem behaviors to. I’m also including other positive routines and habits – such as regular sleep and wake time, paying bills every Friday, that kind of thing. For example, I have a morning routine that goes breakfast, exercise, shower and dress, work. Sometimes I have an early client and have exercise or shower after that. The actions of the routine may get shuffled but not neglected because they’ve become habitual.
Now with a ritual you are adding an additional element—the conscious intention of the behavior helping you be more of the person you wish to be. Here’s an example that uses the process of ritual:
Intention: Organizing a space in which you can find things, get things done, and keep what’s important to you safe. Hold the intention of creating your space as a sanctuary where you can be comfortable and focus on what is meaningful.
Planning: Schedule a block of time to look at all of the things in your space. During this time, you will make a decision about every item in your space. If something has no use or meaning, or is no longer important to you, consider letting it go. Some things will be tossed, some given away, and some perhaps stored elsewhere because they are rarely used. Next, look at what will stay – the things you want to keep and use all the time. Think about where it makes the most sense to put the items you’ve decided are special to you and support your intention.
Preparation: Your first action step is the clearing and de-cluttering. A cleansing process is often done to make way for something new. After clearing, find the right kinds of containers for the things you have. Now, take a break.
Manifestation: Set aside a morning or afternoon for the ritual. Enter the room and close the door. Sit down and focus on your intention.
Select one type of object—say books. As you recognize in what way they reflect who you are and what’s important to you, you can claim them as power objects. Put them in the areas you’ve decided upon.
To close the ritual, imagine doing what you will be doing in each area of the room. Do you feel better, worse or, the same as before? Make sure you feel good everywhere. Take a photograph of your space.
Integration: Put the photograph on the wall or in your journal. Use it as a daily or weekly reminder as perhaps the first step of a maintenance ritual.
Are you the driver or the passenger?
You know how when you're in a car riding “shotgun” and the driver’s going dangerously fast, you press your foot against the floor really hard as if there was a brake pedal there?
When someone else has the controls you’re along for the ride. If the driver makes a risky move, there’s not much you can do.
How is this relevant to your life? Well, let’s talk about “locus of control.”
If you feel you have no control over the events in your life, in psychological terms that would be called having an external locus of control. When things don’t go as you wish, you might blame bad luck, injustice, or even “Mercury in Retrograde.” On the other hand, with an internal locus of control you feel that you, yourself, are responsible for outcomes. And if not the outcome itself, your response to it. Think of it as responsibility.
Even when you have specific goals and well-thought out plans things may not work out as you intend. Perhaps you had some internal obstacles you couldn’t foresee…not your fault. Or there was some sort of glitch that interfered when you were just tooling along perfectly, like road work that caused a detour and added minutes to your journey. Again, no one to blame. The road workers hadn’t come up with an elaborate plan just to frustrate you.
Life doesn’t always seem to comply with our wishes and our best intentions often go astray. These times are opportunities. Use them as lessons to either prevent similar future problems that might arise in the future, or to practice letting go of expectations and focusing on all the things that are right in your life.
What's Your Story?
When I was studying to be a coach, I was introduced to a book called, Taming Your Gremlin.
No, it is not a manual for those who have mythological pets. Rather it addresses all of us who have that voice in our head that says things like, “you can’t…,” “you’re not…,” or “you should.” Despite the fact that the voice is likely disparaging, we have a tendency to listen and believe what it says. We are believing that story as if it were fact.
Belief. That is the key here.
You may have heard the quote by Henry Ford that goes, “whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.” Fortunately, because we have the ability to learn and change we can change our beliefs. We can create new “mindsets.” Our mindsets are beliefs that determine how we deal with life and make choices.
Do you feel like your brain is holding you back? Or, maybe, it’s not that obvious. Have you ever felt like no matter what you cannot get past this certain place? That is still your mindset – that little voice telling you that you cannot do better. If you want to make changes in limiting mindsets, the first step is to recognize that there is a self-limiting story that’s running the show. The next step is to consider re-writing the story.
Yes. You can do it. It takes practice to get the new story to take hold but it’s worth it. For example if you have a story that you “have to” do something and you find yourself resisting, try thinking that you “get to” do it. Or when you hear yourself thinking “I failed miserably with…” how about thinking, “I learned what works and what doesn’t so I can do things differently the next time.”
On the other hand, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough they’re yours.” Said Richard Bach in Jonathan Livingston Seagull. You’re so much better than that.
Why play small when you can fly?