Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time, not that long ago, in a land not that far away, lived a woman – or maybe it was a man – who was experiencing a deep sense of overwhelm. She (or was it he?) had said “yes” too many times, to too many things and her dwelling felt crowded and confused. She often missed appointments, had unfinished projects, and no time for things she felt were important. One morning, she looked around and realized something had to change. She just couldn’t live that way any longer.
The woman recognized that if she knew what to do she would have already done it. Finding the right help would be crucial. She sought a guide to take her through the dark forest of doubt, confusion, and shame and lead her to a life of balance, order, and ease.
Suddenly out of the mist (or was it Yelp?) appeared two qualified and genial women. They introduced themselves as Sydney and Dana – a dynamic duo committed to guiding people to reclaim their time and space. First they helped her define her vision for her home and life. Dana worked with her to banish the clutter and create systems and homes for her necessities and treasures. Sydney supported her in conquering her calendar. She learned to identify and commit to priorities, and have home maintenance be one part of a regular routine.
With Sydney’s and Dana’s help she had taken a journey that had at first seemed terrifying. Her fears had been unfounded. With their skill and unconditional support she’d had a light through the dark forest. She fulfilled the purpose her journey, developed a different sense of herself, and came to realize that she is a very capable person who could design her life. She also trusts the allies will always be there to bolster her should doubts or challenges arise.
Sydney Metrick, PhD
Sydney provides unwavering support, enthusiastic encouragement, and practical tools and resources for people with ADHD and other non-linear thinkers. She works with clients to target their most challenging areas, helping them develop strategies and habits that get results.
http://www.ArtfulCoaching.com 510 223 3882, Sydney@ArtfulCoaching.com
Dana Arkinzadeh, DMA Organizing
Dana helps people go from clutter to clarity. She creates organizing solutions to fit an individual’s unique lifestyle and personality. She is a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers.
http://www.dmaorganizing.com, 510-206-4812, mailto:info@dmaorganizing.com
Missing Out on Those ZZZZZ's?
Are you one of the many who have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up? Do you seem to have so many thoughts, ideas and things to do that you're up way later than you "want to be" and then can't seem to wind down and fall asleep? Or do you fall asleep fairly easily but wake up once or more with endless thoughts that keep you from returning to that desired sleep state?
It's your brain! People with ADHD have an imbalance of neurotransmitters. Low levels of serotonin is one of these that may be contributing to sleep issues. There are strategies that can help you get more and better sleep.
Hypnosis or self hypnosis may work for you. Some have found neurofeedback to make a big difference. Committing to a regular sleep/wake schedule with a winding down ritual is another process that can aid in falling asleep.
Then there's always the counting sheep idea. The way I recommend doesn't actually involve sheep. Instead, simply count backwards from 100, one number each time you exhale. Stay focused on your breath and the number. Start over if you must.
Sweet dreams!
How Do You Know if Someone Has Attention Deficit Disorder?
You don’t.
ADHD is a neurobiological condition and it's expressed differently in each person--Sir Richard Branson, Jim Carrey and Michael Phelps all have ADHD.
Everyone has occasional forgetfulness or overwhelm, but people with ADHD may have chronic difficulty with executing daily tasks in most areas of life. The executive function impairments are usually due to inherited problems with the neurotransmitters of the brain's management system. There are six areas where these challenges show up.
These examples are from six of my students:
1. Organizing tasks and materials, estimating time, prioritizing tasks, and getting started on work tasks. Joyce puts off getting started on a task, even one she recognizes as very important like packing for a move, until the very last minute. It’s as if she can’t get started until the point where she sees the task as an emergency.
2. Megan described her problem sustaining focus as similar to trying to listen to the car radio when you drive too far away from the station and the signal begins fading in and out: you get some of it and lose some of it. She gets distracted by things that are going on around her, and also by her own thoughts.
3. Mike can perform short-term projects well, but has lots of difficulty with sustained effort over longer periods of time.
4. Ethan describes chronic difficulties managing emotions --frustration, anger, worry, disappointment, desire, and others.
5. I personally have difficulty remembering where I just put something, what someone just said to me, or what I was about to say. It’s hard to hold thoughts "on line” I also may not be able to pull information up when I need it.
6. Trevor has a problem regulating actions. He’s often impulsive in what he says or does, and in the way he thinks, jumping too quickly to inaccurate conclusions. He may fail to notice the impact of his words and actions on others, and as a result, sometimes alienates people.
These six areas are not mutually exclusive; they tend to overlap and are often interactive. Fortunately we can create positive structures and habits that help us function more successfully. Yay for brain plasticity!
ADHD, Depression and the Exercise Cure
Fitness trainer, Susan Reeds shares how exercise helps with depression. Take a look:
"I live with depression. It runs in my family. Though they would never admit it, my mother, grandmother, and untold generations before us have had it, wound intricately into our DNA like blue eyes and incorrigibility. The problem is that I grew up with the mistaken belief that depression was less a disease than a moral and spiritual failing. And so I hid it, like so many parts of my personality. I coped, laughed it off, and tried to be a good, moral person. I’m sure you know how that works out. Stuffing something down always forces it to the surface in unfortunate and public places. It made me sick and overweight.
At times I have used medications to break through the cloud of sadness and despair. Since I discovered fitness, I have managed it with a regular routine of almost daily exercise. Dozens of scientific studies concur: exercise releases endorphins, promotes better circulation and muscle tone, improves sleep and self-esteem, and is an effective treatment for mild to moderate depression. Often people with ADHD suffer from depression because of the contact frustration of having to work harder to function in their daily lives. Often people with ADHD are misdiagnosed with depression first. Rather than treat the depression, many experts believe that helping the person with ADHD can alleviate symptoms of depression. Exercise has also been shown to be incredibly effective in treating ADHD by raising the levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, which help with cognitive function. Activities like hiking and trail running, mountain biking and martial arts stimulate the brain/body connection, improve balance, and keep the brain continually engaged. I’ve experienced first-hand how a regular fitness routine has helped boost my mood and settle my brain. I also use other tools for helping my brain reboot – healthy diet, rest, acupuncture, a certain level of order in my physical universe, spending time with loved ones, my quirky sense of humor.
The journey we are on, as individuals and as a community is not the road to “perfection” but becoming more whole and balanced, more of who we are supposed to be. I struggle, just as you do, to find balance, find a way around obstacles, break through barriers, and in the end, become more of the human I am meant to be."
Susan Reed is a personal trainer, certified through the American Council on Exercise (A.C.E.). She has been training groups and individuals since 2003. Her website is UrbanAgility.com.
The Dastardly Voice of Doubt
You all have it--that little voice that seems to want to hold you back or to make you feel bad about yourself. That voice may, from time to time, actually be of benefit by keeping you safe. But most of the time it limits you from being your best, from doing your best, from having what you deserve in life.
That little voice will comment on your appearance, your behavior, your desires, and will be relentless in dwelling on your mistakes. This voice is obviously not your friend. If you had a friend that talked to you that way, would you continue the relationship? I think not.
The problem is that the voice is not going to go away. No matter what. Bummer. So what are you going to do?
How about this--just be aware when you hear that saboteur you can say something like, "thanks for your opinion, but I prefer to look at things differently.
Top Ten Tips for the Surviving the Holiday Season
1. Less is more—overwhelm often follow a sense of obligation. I remember the first time I went to a buffet restaurant and wondered how I could eat all those things. It took me a while to realize I could just choose what I really wanted, would enjoy, and feel good about.
2. Due date versus start date—got to buy gifts, send out cards? You may be oh too familiar with last minute shopping or mailing. Think instead of a “start date.” Look at your calendar and choose some times when you won’t be rushed.
3. Cookies anyone?—Christmas cookies, cakes and pies are everywhere. Neighbors visit with plates of fudge, dinners with friends end with pies and cakes, office mates bring special family recipes loaded with calories. If you just can’t resist, freeze. Put the best offerings into a container and have one or two pieces randomly over the next few months.
4. Forget about the “perfect gift”—Just having general knowledge about someone’s like can be enough to figure out the perfect “gift card.” No need to hire a detective to discover what kind of imported coffee a friend drinks when a Peets gift card lets them choose whatever they want.
5. Listen to your body—This is the time of year when days are short and nights are long. If we were in harmony with nature, we’d be doing winding down rather than ramping up. Feeling like going to bed early?
6. Delegate—if someone asks if they can lend a hand, by all means say yes. Otherwise, ask for help when you need it.
7. Stick with habits and routines—if you have them, do your best to stick with them. Getting off track is only a problem if you don’t have a strategy to get back to what works for you. Figure out a plan in advance, just in case.
8. Plan quiet time—wherever you go, there you are. So decide where you want to be. Who do you want to sit near at a dinner? Is there a place to escape and regroup during a party? How much down time do you need after a demanding activity
9. Prioritize—decide on the people and things that are most important. That’s what you want to make sure you focus on.
10. Plan activities for kids and guests in advance—people may want or require attention you don’t have to give. Make, or have them help you with an “activity book” or list of ideas that will help them, and you, have fun.
Habits--Good or Bad?
Yes! Habits can be good or bad. The ideal is to replace "bad" habits with behaviors that work for you.
So here's the process: first you have to identify the behavior you want. Let's say exercise for 30 minutes every morning. Next you have to look at your schedule; you do use a calendar to design your days, right? Choose a realistic time you are likely to be successful actually exercising for the desired time. Now you have to come up with a reminder. It's only a habit when you can do it regularly without it being an ordeal. Sometimes having a workout partner, a personal trainer, or a coach to hold you accountable can help with this step.
Growth occurs two steps forward and one step back. If you must miss, or forget, reschedule. Remember why you want to get regular exercise. How will you be better when exercise is an ongoing part of your life?
Lost, Misplaced, or Simply Borrowed?
People with attention deficit disorder have a tendency to lose or misplace things because we may have our thoughts elsewhere when we set something down. But, it's not always our fault when we can't find something. My friend, Pam Condie, is a business and residential organizer who share the following story and tip.
A single mother, who ran a small nonprofit from her home, had two teenage children who often helped themselves to supplies from her office. To discourage this practice she wrote “Mom’s office” on the plastic finger loops of her utility scissors, thus easily identifying her “borrowed” equipment. Divide and conquer is a technique children use to get their way when the stricter parent refuses a request. (Let’s ask Dad instead. He is a pushover.) I submit to you “multiply and conquer,” a technique to have adequate supplies of frequently used equipment readily available. Utility scissors are useful in the kitchen, home office, bathroom, craft room, bedrooms and garage. Of course, mark the location of each as in the suggestion above.
It’s Not Me, It’s My ADHD
In a relationship? Ever argue with your partner? All couples have arguments. Successful couples know how to manage their arguments. Six of the most common arguments between couples are about sex, kids, in-laws, attention, money, and messes. When it comes to attention and messes, this can get trickier when one or both partners have ADHD.
Do you or your partner have a tendency to drift off when the other is talking to you? Are you or your partner likely to interrupt when the other is speaking because either they were talking too slowly or a thought popped up that couldn’t wait? Do distractions sometimes get in the way from paying attention to what might be important to the other?
Maybe you forget things easily, and your partner feels like he or she can’t relay on you, or worse he or she feels like you don’t care. Organizing and remembering thoughts is part of the challenge, but equally as stressful on a relationship is lack of organization around stuff…too much stuff, misplaced stuff, or procrastination about dealing with stuff.
All of these issues might indicate that you have attention deficit disorder, known as ADD or ADHD. People with ADHD are wired differently. It’s not a matter of trying harder when your brain functions in a non-linear fashion. However, this does not mean your relationships with significant others is doomed.
It is possible to develop strategies and habits, as an individual and as a couple, that help minimize these challenges. Taking notes during an important talk so you won’t forget your question is one tip. Letting your partner know that if they wish to have an important conversation with you it’s helpful to say, “I need to speak with you and have your attention. Is this a good time?”
There are many ways to develop organizational and communication skills. With practice skills can become habits. When people understand how to work with their non-linear thinking, and their partners understand how to both support their partners and get their own needs meet as well, the couple becomes “expects” at being in relationship with each other. And, as a team, can have a fulfilling and loving relationship.
For additional communications support, I recommend Craig Toonder, MFT who co-authored this post. www.OaklandCouplesCounseling.com
Want to be a Winner? It's up to You.
Swimmer Michael Phelps is now the most decorated Olympian in any sport in all of time. On August 4, he went on to win his 18th career gold medal and his 22nd overall.
As a child, Michael was afraid to get his face wet in the pool. Rather than giving up, his mom just started him with a backstroke. Swimming just got easier and he just got better...with swimming. Diagnosed with ADHD at age nine, his lack of success in school suddenly had an explanation. Again, his mom looked for solutions. She worked with Michael and his school to find the best ways for him to learn. Like any good coach, she helped him develop strategies, kept him on track and focusing on the positives.
We all have gifts and challenges. If you want to be a winner, identify and focus on your strengths and lighten up when you make mistakes. Use them for learning opportunities and go for the gold.
In the Beginning
I started my coaching career in 1998 with a focus on coaching creative people.
Working with artists I heard that many of the challenges they were having sounded like my struggles as a person with ADHD. As I shared some of the structures and techniques that helped me stay focused I started getting more calls, not only from artists, but from people with ADHD who wanted to learn how to manage time, be organized, handle priorities and up their self esteem.
And thus was born Artful Coaching.
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Stopping Time
Does this ever happen to you? It's time to leave the house for an appointment. Just as you are ready to leave you remember something you wanted to do. Fearing you might
forget later, or just having that task calling out for attention, you turn back to take care of it. Something in your brain makes you feel like the clock is frozen while you're back taking care of that task (and maybe even another one or two). Then you're surprised that you end up being late.
It helps to have lots of clocks. Have a clock in every room. Look at them frequently. If something is important and you aren't certain you'll remember, write a note or send yourself a text or voice mail. Be sure to put those notes where you're sure to see them.
Welcome to Artful Coaching
Are you reading this because you’re thinking about making some positive changes so your life works better? Consider this, taking the next step means you realize designing your life is serious, you can take action, and it will work.
Think about some of the challenges you currently have. Do these things happen repeatedly? Have they been around for a while? Consider these things as habits that don’t work…habits that can be replaced with behaviors that do work.
Artful Coaching focuses on your specific needs and challenges. Typically, coaching helps individuals with ADHD develop the structures, processes, and practical approaches necessary to meet the challenges of everyday life and excel in their areas of their strengths.
Myths and Facts about ADHD
Do I have ADHD? Take the Test
Frequently Asked Questions