Who's in Your Head?
Does this ever happen to you?
Before leaving for an appointment this morning, I checked my email one last time (just to make sure nothing urgent came in. Then, before I knew what I was doing, I opened one that had an intriguing subject line. Wouldn’t you know it, the article had information I was interested in pursuing. I clicked the link that took me to the website that had a list of “helpful resources.” As I scanned the list noting several articles and sites I’d like to check out the “adult voice” in my head reminded me that I had an appointment to get to and that the resources would still be there in the afternoon. Sometimes my eagerness to pursue something interesting gets the best of me. Fortunately, I have more than one voice in my head.
Eric Berne developed a theory of Transactional Analysis. He said we have three ego states – parent, adult and child. The parent state is the one that creates the "should” that make us feel so guilty. Everyone has this part and it can be relentless. Then there’s the child state. When we’re functioning from this place we’re either resisting the parent state, maybe even being oppositional, or we’re just into having fun. The place you want to come from is the adult state. When you’re there your decisions are not based on what you should do or what’s fun, but on what makes sense.
How do you know what makes sense for you at any given time? One way is to have a future check with an “if…then” conversation (yes in your head). i.e. “if I do this now here’s what is likely to happen as a result.”
You can develop the habit of listening to the adult voice in your head that suggests behaviors that make sense. This is really preferable to being cowed by the tyranny of “should“ or the voice that doggedly resists being told what you must do or be. Of course, it does take time to develop and maintain a habit. Having someone to hold you accountable will help you succeed.
You can do it yourself with commitment and a tracking sheet, find an accountability partner, or better yet, work with a coach.
Who do you know that would love a half hour phone coaching session as a holiday gift? My gift to you when you book your own complimentary session before November 30th.
Check out the Artful Coaching Facebook page for tips and information
And please do “like” us there!
Wait Your Turn
Does this ever happen to you? You have a thought, but before you can act on that thought another thought bumps the first thought and gets in front of it, and you start focusing on the second thought. Then as you’re attending to that new thought, you remember something related and start thinking about what to do with that. And you realize -- wait a minute, wait a minute, what’s going on, and you pause to gather your thoughts. You notice the first thought wandering around and you start to bring it back to the front before another interruption can occur.
This happens to many of us from time to time. It happens to people who are not linear thinkers with frequency. People who are creative thinkers, divergent thinkers, those with ADHD often have so many thoughts vying for attention at the same time that it can be difficult to prioritize and focus on just one thing at a time.
Like right now, I’m writing this article, but ideas for another writing project keep intruding, as does an impulse to take my dog for a walk, and wondering if the mailman has delivered the mail yet.
One possible solution involves using a timer.
* Decide on something you want to/need to do.
* Determine how much time that task might require and how much time you’re willing to devote to it at a particular time. E.g. This afternoon at 3 p.m. for 30 minutes.
* Schedule that in your calendar (if it fits, of course).
* Gather everything you need plus a note pad, and clear things that might be distractions.
* Set the timer for 30 minutes and commit to it. Really.
* Write anything that pops into your head as a different “to do” on the pad so you’ll remember it later.
* At the end of the 30 minutes decide what’s next, continuing with what you were doing if you haven’t finished, or moving on to another task that now has a higher priority.
If you’re thinking, “Yeah, sure, that won’t work for me,” you may be right. It’s only a possible solution. Try it. Make adjustments. If it works make it a habit.
Wait, Wait, Just One More Thing
Ever get pulled into an online story and know you don’t have time to read it all? Or see an intriguing headline posted on your landing page or on some other page you’re visiting? Maybe you’re working on a project and if you can just do that “one more little thing” you can put it away for the day.
When this happens you get time blind. This happens to us non-linear or divergent thinkers all the time. When you get very focused on and involved in something, it’s as if time doesn’t feel like its passing. In fact, you may not be aware of time at all. The downside is that spending that time “right now” can make you late for something you’ve already committed to doing.
Those fifteen minutes you spend reading an article on line causes you to walk out the door to an appointment fifteen minutes later, or have to skip something important, like maybe your breakfast. Wouldn’t you like to find ways to make time boundaries work for you?
It is possible to save online articles and bring them with you so that when you’re sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s office, or on your lunch break at work you could read then.
Two options that help you save web pages for later reading are “Readability” and “Pocket.” The Readability site boasts “Readability turns any web page into a clean view for reading now or later on your computer, smartphone, or tablet.” And at GetPocket.com you’ll find another version of the same option. The exact article is right there when you have the time to read it.
Now all you have to do it remember to bring your phone when you leave!
August is a vacation month for many. Are you someone who finds it challenging to keep up with your goals and habit during and after breaks? If so, it might be time for a coaching check in. Call for a coaching session if you feel your momentum flagging. Single check in’s only $25 for a half hour telephone session through August 31st.
“Getting Organized for Non-Linear Thinkers” -- six week classes are scheduled to begin again this fall.
Tuesdays –starting 9/8 from 7 to 9 p.m. through West Contra Costa Adult Ed
Mondays –starting 9/14 from 7 to 9 p.m. through Piedmont Adult Ed.
Check the school sites for registration information, and be sure to register early.
Planning Saves the Day
Can using a calendar change your life? You bet it can. How would you like to design your days, weeks, and months so you can focus on the people and things that are most important to you?
Chances are that you have tasks in commitments around work, home, family, friends, health, finances, community, maybe personal growth or creative expression are high priorities for you.
Here's how you design your week. Think about each of the areas. What do you want to or need to do in each of the areas this week or this month? Some things you will want to attend to daily, like job or kids, some things maybe weekly like paying bills, and other things further out like getting together with friends twice a month. It might be possible to combine areas such as taking an art class or exercise class with friends, or being on a team that plays ball weekly.
Some things will be recurring and you schedule those first. Then put in the other more flexible things thinking of them as appointments. Check your calendar every morning and evening to make any updates or other changes and you're on your way to be in charge of your time.
Busy, Busy, Busy
Do you find time management to be a challenge? Does it seem you often have “too much on your plate?” Planning your day, your week, and your month might be the answer that gives you a sense of control over your time and your life.
Perhaps a little voice in your head has said:
• “Planning takes too much time.”
• “Life is too unpredictable.”
• “I’m never sure how much time it takes to do something.”
Consider that every minute that you spend planning will save you four to ten times that amount of time in execution. So at the end of each day, look back over your calendar (you do keep one, right?) and see if anything was unfinished that needs to be moved ahead, or if there is some new task that needs to be scheduled. Update the calendar. Then, as you begin the day, review your calendar and see if any email, phone messages, texts, etc. have come in that will require a bit of calendar shifting. Do the same at the end and beginning of the week and the month.
As you work with your calendar be aware of your priorities, not just at work, but in the other parts of your life. Make sure your schedule has time booked for relationships with the people and things that are most important to you and help you live a meaningful life.
To Buy or Not to Buy...A Very Good Question
Sale! This weekend only! Prices slashed! Best prices of the season! 
How can I possibly resist offers like these? Why look at those things. They're wonderful. What great boots. I love that lamp and mine is so old. A new phone with no contract, I'd better get that, my phone has a cracked screen. Oh yeah, and gifts for the family. My nephew is into....
And so it goes. The proverbial "bright, shiny objects" have led to a whirlwind of impulse buying. The credit card now has a really scary balance and the enjoyment of new things is tempered by the anxiety over paying for them.
Are there solutions? Absolutely.
Do:
Make a list of all the people you really must have a gift for.
Look at how much money you realistically can spend.
Decide how much you can spend for each person and if there's any left for yourself.
Think about what kinds of gifts fit your budget.
Consider things you can make yourself.
Don't:
Go to stores and holiday fairs credit card in hand and ready to buy things that appeal to you.
Shop with friends who have way more money than you have and can spend freely.
And here's a tip, if you don't wait until the last minute you can start gathering things through the year and storing them so you have your own cache of gifts.
Still not sure you can manage. Find someone who will help you set limits and hold you accountable. Maybe a coach.
Ten Tips to Keep Up During the Holiday Season
The days are getting shorter as we approach winter, and you might feel like there's just not enough time in the day to get everything done; especially during the holiday season. Is it possible to keep up? Or even get ahead? Here are some tips.
1. Look at the dates of the big holidays you celebrate. What do you typically do for each of them. Think about how long the preparations have taken in past years and schedule start dates for the tasks.
2. Do you have to do everything yourself? Consider what you can delegate and let others take care of those things.
3. Are the items on your list tasks "must do" or just "it would be nice to do." Focus on the must do items.
4. How much time can you free up to do the things that are actually important? Is watching television or hanging out on Facebook really necessary?
5. Plan each day every morning. Think about what tasks will give you a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
6. Learn to say no. It's okay to set limits.
7. Less is more. Think about what is enough and what might be more than necessary.
8. If things feel overwhelming just pick three things you will do that day and put your energy and time into doing them.
9. Give yourself credit for anything and everything you accomplish no matter how small.
10. Get plenty of rest no matter what.
Think of being the person who designs your life.
Need help? Contact me for a complimentary half hour phone coaching session before 11/30/14.
Group Coaching for People with ADHD and Other Non-Linear Thinkers
Have you considered ADHD coaching, but thought it’s too expensive? Or too inconvenient and time-consuming?
Here’s the solution—Group Coaching
• 6-weeks – the next session begins Tuesday evenings, October 21
• Each session = 90 min. sessions
• Group limited to 8-10 people
Total Fee: $150.00
Web special – 30 minute coaching session prior to the first session
Each group session will include discussion of a specific ADHD topic and explore strategies to manage the issue.
Contact me: Sydney Metrick to sign up
510 223 3882 Sydney@ArtfulCoaching.com www.ArtfulCoaching.com
And check out my new video series on YouTube
Addressing ADHD: A Whole Person Approach
Addressing ADHD: A Whole Person Approach--video series
• Are you someone who fears the clock? Does it seem like you don’t have enough time to do what needs doing?
• Is losing and forgetting and issue for you? How many times have you lost your keys? Cellphone? Umbrella? Mind?
• Are you terrible at delegating — whether to other people or to technology?
• Is procrastination an issue for you?
• When you do begin a task, are you likely to get sidetracked?
• Are you more likely to focus on your failures and overlooking your successes?
• Have you been criticized by others for your behaviors?
You may have Attention Deficit Disorder--ADHD. Coaching is one way to get the support you need to address your challenges. But there are others. Find out what other professionals have to offer in the Addressing ADHD video series on YouTube.
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Synchronize Your Brain
Do you: have trouble prioritizing, show up late for appointments or miss them all together, find it hard to set boundaries, procrastinate, have to circle around work before starting? These issues and others are frequent challenges for those of us with ADHD.
Getting organized may be easier said than done. However, it is possible to make improvements in all of these areas. If you have attention deficit disorder it is a neurobiological condition. It's how your brain works (or doesn't).
So let's look at how to help your brain function optimally. That might include getting sufficient sleep. Develop a sleep/wake schedule and routine. Exercise is also good for your brain and your body. Your diet is how you feed both your body and your brain, so think about what you eat and what nutrients you're getting. Posture is important, too. Your brain and spinal cord are constantly communicating with the rest of your body. If you're out of alignment you have a road block in communications.
Stay tune for upcoming posts that will feature tips in all these areas and more!
Let me know some of your challenges so I can have my collaborative network of experts share ideas and advice.
But Wait...I'm Almost Done
Ever get pulled into an online story and know you don't have time to read it all? Or see an intriguing headline posted on your landing page or on some other page you're visiting? Or there's a link to something you feel you absolutely must read for whatever reason and you feel pulled to reading it right now.
This happens to us non-linear thinkers all the time. Right now feels like the time to attend to something that's interesting to us. The downside is that spending that time "right now" can make us late for something we'd already committed to doing.
That fifteen minutes you spend reading an article on line causes you to walk out the door to an appointment fifteen minutes later, or have to skip something else like maybe your breakfast. If only there was a way to save the article and bring it with you so that when you're sitting in the waiting room at the dentist's office, or on your lunch break at work you could read it then. Wouldn't that be a good solution?
Say yes.
This is about time management. As it happens, there are ways to do just that. Both "Readability" and "Pocket" help you save web pages for later reading. The Readability site boasts "Readabity turns any web page into a clean view for reading now or later on your computer, smartphone, or tablet." And at GetPocket.com you'll find another version of the same option. The exact article is right there when you have the time to read it.
Now all you have to do it remember to bring your phone when you leave! Happy reading.
Lessons not Mistakes
Mistakes will be made. We all make them. They may be due to carelessness, lack of understanding or information, or some other reason. Many mistakes can be corrected, all can be teachers. What I want to focus on are the mistakes of behaviors that those of us with attention deficit disorder often make and how we can reduce the kinds and numbers of mistakes in our lives.
We may frequently forget appointments, people's names, tasks we were to do; we may lose important things, get lost ourselves, procrastinate and miss a deadline. Maybe we say inappropriate things at inappropriate times, spend too much money on something because we didn't research the options, overdraw our checking account. Yep, we may make these and other mistakes, and we may make them with some regularity.
The key here is to use every mistake as a learning opportunity. What kind of reminder would help you remember an appointment? How might setting up online banking and checking your account daily help you know how much money you have? What if you set start dates for stages of a project as well as due dates? How might you be more successful if someone held you accountable for something you said you'd do?
This is what we do with coaching. You get to make mistakes. There's no blame, no fault-finding. We evaluate what occurred and come up with strategies you can gradually implement.
Mistakes will always be made, but improvements can also be made.
Overwhelmed? Stick a Needle in it.
As an acupuncturist Marie Bowser gets to help people shift out of a state of stress and into a state of balance with acupuncture and herbs.
"This shift from “fight or flight” to “rest and digest” allows body systems to operate more efficiently, including brain function, focus and mood. Whether you have an ADHD diagnosis, or you just have a lot on your plate and feel overwhelmed, there are additional things that you can do ON YOUR OWN to further enhance focus and reduce stress."
"NOURISHMENT: When we forget to eat, blood sugar drops, cortisol levels rise and a stress response is triggered. One of the most important things that you can do to improve mental focus and calm the nervous system is to eat regular, nourishing meals. If remembering to eat is a problem for you, make sure you're setting a timer or electronic reminder."
"SLEEP: Sleeping gives the body an opportunity to integrate information and recover from stress. If you are struggling with following through on your vision and to-do list I highly suggest getting 8 hours of sleep and ideally falling asleep by 11 P.M. If you get too little sleep because of insomnia, this can be addressed with acupuncture and herbal medicine."
"MEDITATION: Meditation is my favorite prescription for reducing stress, re-setting the nervous system and creating focus. “Insight Meditation” and “Transcendental Meditation” are systems that do not require that you “control” your mind and might be easier to learn. Taichi, qigong, yoga and running also elicit a meditative state. My personal favorite meditation technique is knitting."
"Nourishment, Sleep and Meditation are just a handful of lifestyle shifts that I advise patients to incorporate in order to improve mental focus and mood. Certainly, having support from a coach or acupuncturist can help you to incorporate these things and make bigger shifts in your health and experience."
Find Marie Bowser, LAc, Dipl OM at Solano Avenue Acupuncture
1498 Solano Avenue, Albany, CA 94706
www.mariebowseracupuncture.com
Planning Saves the Day
From taking a trip to making a cake from scratch, planning is important. The planning process is the same no matter what you apply it to.
First comes the Inspiration--"I think I'll bake a cake for an upcoming occasion."
Then Planning--"Looking in the recipe book I see I need flour, eggs, cocoa, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, milk, oil and vanilla. I'll also need a two bowls and two nine inch round pans.
The Preparation step requires obtaining all the ingredients and supplies, setting them out with the recipe and getting yourself ready to bake.
The next step is to execute or mix the ingredients, pour them into the pans and bake for a specific time.
Evaluation follows. With a cake this means inserting a toothpick to see if the cake is baked through. The final evaluation is in the eating.
Forgetting to plan or prepare can result in failure or extremely creative last minute juggling. Sometimes the "saved by the seat of your pants" approach turns out well, but more often--not so much.
Five minutes planning can save lots of time in doing and bring about a far greater likelihood for success.
The Secret to Getting Results
My clients always say they'd like more time, more money, better health, a more organized home or office. Who doesn't want their life to be better, anyway.
So here's the thing. To have improvement in any or all of the above areas you must make the commitment to do the daily work to get the result you say you want.
Motivational speaker Tony Robbins says, "“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment and life’s greatest rewards (are) reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret.”
The secret is to expand your comfort zone. Make a commitment to yourself. Get clear about specifically what you want your life to look like, and accept that in order to have or do what you say you want you'll need determination and persistence...and maybe the support of a coach. That's what I'm here for.
Let's Look at Calendar and Task Solutions
Does your task list seem to get longer each day? Do some things take longer than expected? There are many reasons why just keeping a calendar may not be enough to keep you on track. Many of my clients and students find color coding helps simplify things. Keeping things simple makes sense, right?
The image above comes from Moz, and they even have a cool video that details how they use the system: http://moz.com/blog/project-management-tips-for-marketing-teams-whiteboard-friday
Now you may or may not be part of a team. Still a variation of this idea might be a great solution for you. Color code the different types of things you do each day and use post it notes to move around appointments and task that will take 30 minutes or more.
Remember to include the accomplishments column!